Big John Vs. Wal-Mart

I recently recalled a tragic moment from my college days. The memory was sparked when I recently read an article about returning items to the store after you realize that you don't need it.

Let me give you a little background about this story. When I was in college, my senior year at IWU I hosted a show on the campus station. Now being a Christian college that was what they "prefered" you play. Now, me being the country fan that I am, I talked it over with my professors and we came to an agreement. If I stuck with country music that didn't mention cheatin, or drink they said it would be ok. Now, I know what you are thinking. It must have been difficult to compile a playlist that would fit the critiria. But with the massive knowledge of country I possessed even at point in my radio career, I made it work.

This being said, the campus station only had Christian music. So all the music I played during my 3 hour shift once a week had to be provided by myself. Needless to say I spent a lot of money buying music as to not repeat the same music every week. This led to my tragic experiance at the local Wal-Mart.

I wondered into the music section, trying to see what was worth the money a college student could afford to spend. Alas, I compilation album containing 12 current hits that were not in my collection. "Drew's Famous Country Radio's Most Requested." A goldmine to a poor college radio jock that had to provide his own music. I snatched it up so quick and raced to the registers. The purchase was quick and simple. I hopped into my car and sped back to my dorm room to listen to this piece of country music gold.

Upon returning home I poped the new CD into my CD player. Savoring the taste of sweet shopping success. As track one starts I listen to the musical intro...

Something is wrong.

That doesn't sound like the original. I continue to listening.

The singer starts. That is not Faith Hill. I am truly puzzled. Maybe it is bad recording. I skip to track 2. Again the music is slightly different. Hmmmm. What has gone wrong with my musical senses? Could it be my CD player? No, it couldn't be. Well to make a long story a little shorter, the CD was not the original artists. My blood boiled. I promptly ejected the cd, wanting to throw it against the wall. But I knew that good ol' Sam Walton would not let me down. I gently put the CD back in the case, not to scatch it so I can return it and get my money back.

Geting back in the car I make the return trip the Mecca of good deals. Walkin' into Wal-Mart, I am welcomed by the greeter who puts that stupid little sticker that goes on all returns on the case of this disgrace to country music. Walkin to customer service I am pondering in my mind which of the other CD I would get in return for this recent mishap. No line, wonderful. Right to the return process. This is how the conversation went. Now, it was over 7 years ago, so I will try to remember to the best of my ability.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, I need to return this CD. It is not the original artists, and I need to use it at a radio station. It is no good to me!"

"Sir, once a CD has been opened, we can not take it as a return."

"But you don't understand. No where on the CD does it say 'Not the Original Artists.' How can I play this on the air?"

"Sir, there is nothing I can do. Our policy is once a cd has been unwrapped we can not give you a money return. You could have copied it.We can replace it with the same CD, but that is all we can do."

"I didn't have time to copy it!" I pull out the my receipt and my drivers license. "This show what time I bought this piece of junk, and where I live. Look at your watch. I didn't have time to copy it!" (This was before the age of really fast CD burners)

"Sir this is our store policy. There is nothing I can do."

"THAT IS RIDICULOUS!!!! Let me talk to your manager"

Yes, I pulled out the let me talk to your manager. Hoping my volume would get the attention of others. Some people did turn and look, and with the time I was taking a small line had formed at Customer "Dis-Service". The Manager arrives and asks what the problem is. The Associate behind the counter begins to tell the story, saying how I am being disrespectful. I jump in giving my side of the story calmly as I had before. The Manager starts to quote company policy. Saying how they can not refund my money, can not exchange it for a different Cd. The only thing they can do is give me another copy of the same CD.

"I DON'T WANT THIS COPY. WHY WOULD I WANT ANOTHER COPY OF THIS PIECE OF JUNK!!!"

"Sir, please keep the volume down. There is nothing we can do."

"THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO. YOU CAN GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK"

"Sir calm down or we will ask you to leave." I notice the original associate on the phone now.

"I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET MY MONEY OR A DIFFERENT CD. ALL THESE PEOPLE BEHIND ME WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT. AND YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY $8.49 IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU AND THIS COMPANY AND IS KEEPING THEM FROM THE SERVICES THEY DESIRE!!!"

At this point I see an off duty police officer approaching behind me. Considering the options I knew there was nothing I can do. I make one more attempt.

"All I want is my Money, or a different CD. Why is that so hard to understand? I can't use this!"

"SIR PLEASE LEAVE NOW"

Well, the battle was over. I could walk out now on my own, or be escorted out with a new pair of shiny silver braclets. I choose not to get arrested for a meager $8.49. I was defeated. I scooped up my worthless CD and made my way to the door. But I did get my one parting shot that I am still proud of to this day. Before leaving the Customer Service Dept( with the cop right on my heels) I turn to the manager, and look him straight in the eye and yell at the top of my lungs,

"IF SAM WAS STILL ALIVE THIS S%&T WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING!!!"

So what ever happend to this CD? It is still in my collection. Do I ever play it? NO. But it always sparks great memories as I took on Corperate America....and lost.